“I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs.... because they have the most to hide. The guys that are in the most pain are usually the ones with the biggest hearts.”
~ Tori Amos
I've been pondering the past couple of days what my next blog entry should be and every pondering-session I come up dry. I could talk about how my bad weekend evolved into a week of so many ups and and downs, I couldn't even handle myself. I could talk about a couple issues that have been bugging me... but for some reason I can't wrap myself around the idea of writing about any of those things. Maybe it's because in this moment, all I care about it a song.
So forgive me. I'm having one of those moments. I'm giving into my 12 year old middle schooler and feeling the need to post angsty, emotion-filled lyrics to my angsty, emotion filled song that has got me through this week.
There are times when a song strikes so close to home that you can't help but put it on repeat. And listen to it over and over again. I downloaded this song late Wednesday night (I was pulling an all nighter to get an assignment done... let's just say I stayed up for 30 hours straight... and I don't do the 'all nighter' thing... or the 'no sleep' thing... or the 'fully function after pulling an all nighter' thing...) and it is already #4 on my "Top 25 Most Played" playlist on iTunes. It's been four days of non-stop listening.
I owe my latest song obsession to K.T. While on one of our many driving around adventures the song came on her iPod shuffle and by the second chorus I was passionately singing along. It struck.
The song is by Robyn. You remember Robyn? The chick that sang "Show Me Love" in the 90s? Please flashback for a second, hum of few lines of one of the most upbeat catchy songs of the decade, and reminisce about the fun you had blasting that song when it came on the radio and belting it out.
The song is called, "Be Mine!" The song speaks for itself. The song speaks for me.
Lyrics... go:
It's a good thing, tears never show in the pouring rain
As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
There'll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again
Just a sweet pain of watching your back as you walk
As I'm watching you walk away
And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
It's a cold thing you never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside
And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
And you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
For the first time, there's no mercy in your eyes
And the cold wind is hitting my face and you're gone
And you're walking away
And I'm helpless sometimes
Wishing's just no good
Cause you don't see me like I wish you would
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
But you never were, and you never will be mine
(I saw you at the station, you had your arm around
What's-her-name? She had on that scarf I gave you
you got down to tie her laces)
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
(You looked happy and that's great)
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
(I just miss you, that's all)
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
There'll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again
Just a sweet pain of watching your back as you walk
As I'm watching you walk away
And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
It's a cold thing you never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside
And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
And you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
For the first time, there's no mercy in your eyes
And the cold wind is hitting my face and you're gone
And you're walking away
And I'm helpless sometimes
Wishing's just no good
Cause you don't see me like I wish you would
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
But you never were, and you never will be mine
(I saw you at the station, you had your arm around
What's-her-name? She had on that scarf I gave you
you got down to tie her laces)
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
(You looked happy and that's great)
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
(I just miss you, that's all)
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
Cause you never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
There's a moment to seize everytime that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
---
Sometimes it embarrasses me how dramatic I am. Posting lyrics to a song about heartbreak and proclaiming how in the past four days I've listened it to almost a hundred times? I sound like I'm completely devastated... I'm not. I'm not devastated, I actually think things are actually putting themselves together... I'm finally figuring things out... I just need to calm down on the dramatics...
So. I'm done with my angsty lyrics and my angsty song and my angsty 12 year old self. I just felt like sharing. Although I don't necessarily feel this way towards anyone (ha, like I would actually believe that I couldn't make someone fall for me? Yeah right... I'm going to be single the rest of my life for this parenthesis... piss...) there's something so raw and honest about the song. It's simple, it's true. It's bittersweet. There's this idea of reaching out for someone and just missing them. And maybe if you reach a little farther... just maybe if you stretch, reach a little more... you can grab a hold...
And I'm just in love with the opening line: "It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain"
So. true.
And now for some good news...
We closed The Good Person of Setzuan today! Next up, theatre wise: I'm co-directing a cabaret with Diane this summer in Houston.
Also,
There's this application on facebook called Honesty Box. It's where you can tell you honest feelings about people. I think its stupid and I thought I discontinued it... alas I didn't... and maybe it was a good thing. This evening as I logged on to facebook I got a notification from 'Honesty Box' about how someone left something in the box about me. Curious, I checked. There was a message form an anonymous male... It said:
"I think that if I don't marry you the lucky S.O.B. will have to get shot"
Thank you whoever you are. You've made my life.
From a treacherous weekend, to a treacherous week, to listen to bittersweet songs of heartbreak...
It's nice to have a reminder that there is someone who actually wants to be with me
And would possibly kill to do so :)
Of course there's someone I wish wrote this, and someone I think probably wrote this, and someone that might really disappoint me if he wrote this... but none-the-less, authorship aside, the fact that its just a stupid FB application and possibly just a joke aside...
It's nice to know (or at least pretend for a second)
There is someone who maybe actually wants to be mine.
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