Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sex and Another City

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything... you can survive it."
~ Billy Cosby

I'm halfway done with college. Isn't that ridiculous? I've finished my sophomore year and just think back on this year... on how many more songs I can relate to now. It's getting easier and easier to appreciate those songs about stupid boys, heartbreak, falling in love... It's getting easier to appreciate those songs about friendship... It's easier to appreciate how beautiful and powerful it is to be alone, and how sad and distressing it is...

I finished my last final on Tuesday, shortly after I tossed all my stuff into by suitcase and escaped. I'm currently typing at Diane's computer in Oklahoma. I feel like a foreign exchange student of sorts. I've left my college family in St. Louis to come live with and experience Diane's college family in Oklahoma.

As much as I love meeting new people, its made me miss everyone back in St. Louis right now. I see how Diane and her friends act with each other and miss how my friends and I act in St. Louis world. I was so desperate to get out of town, be done with this stupid year, I got out of there as soon as possible.

I've been desperate for this year to end. I just want everything that happened to me this year to go away so I can get back to normal. I want to have what I've learned and move on. It's not that simple, though. Just because a year ends, just because you escape town... doesn't mean everything else ends.

It's like when Carrie and Aiden broke up the first time and she got out of New York and went to Los Angeles. Or something like that...

You still think about him. You still wish things worked out. You still wish you were kissing him. You wish he would come home. You still wish the world would move a little faster so you don't have to wait. You're still trying to get over him and be ready for what's next. You're still putting together the pieces of your heart. You still think about him at 2 AM. You still think of him every time you here those damn songs...

You just have a different group of friends to talk about it to.

And sometimes in the midst of all this moping, you realize you're not talking about just your unboyfriend... in fact, you are talking about him a lot less than you ever have... and more and more about a new boy on the horizon. You're next love interest, the featured star of the next season of the TV show that is your life.

Too bad that TV show is on indefinate hiatus. It's interesting being on the side of the escape. The side that's left behind, while the other person escapes to a foreign world. It's hard being the one who has to wait while your new love interest goes on fantastic adventures in foreign places and all you can do is sit in your best friend's apartment and fantasize about your future together.

Look at me, calling this upcoming boy my love interest... We haven't even gone on a date together, I'm definately jumping the gun here... all we have is just endless hours of conversations and intimate messages... and butterflies. There are definate butterflies.

Next time I'm back in St. Louis I get to see him. He'll be back from his international adventures (which he is currently internet less... so really, all I really have is my fantasies, I don't even AIM...), I'll be back from my great escape...

I just took a break from typing this. Went into Diane's living room, sat in this papazan chair...
and then fell over.
It was like slow motion, the chair started leaning over and as I was halfway down, I realized...
There was nothing I could do.
And as I laid sprawled there on the ground, the chair on its side, and Diane, her friends, and my self cackling out of control.
I realized I couldn't be happier
and so thankful that there isn't an ounce of shame in my body.

Cuz for that moment
I forgot that I was waiting for this boy to come home
I forgot that I hated this past school year with a passion
I forgot that I feel really lonely when it's late at night
I forgot that I missed everyone in St. Louis

And I just laughed.
Fuck it. I'm having fun with my awesome foreign exchange family
in Oklahoma.

What. Up. :)

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